by Catherine Castle
I got a new iPhone and, quite frankly, I’m ready to throw the thing across the
room. Or maybe even in the nearest river!
To start off, I
didn’t get the last of my five email boxes cleaned out. As soon as we
transferred the email addresses over, the last email box began filling. And
filling. And filling. Every time I read and deleted a new email, 100 more would
When it reached
900+ I said to Hubby, “I’m shutting this phone down before it loads all 5,000 +
I spent the next
five hours hunched over the computer keyboard deleting the unread emails down
to about 84. Then I deleted the 15,000+ deleted emails left on the server just
to be sure they didn’t come back. Better to be safe than sorry, as Hubby as
seen a few of his deleted emails return to unread status and pop up on the
iPhone. Yes, I know, I can’t blame the iPhone because I didn’t clean out my
online mail inboxes and trash. But this was just the beginning of the iPhone
Unlike my beloved
Blackberry, there’s nothing intuitive about this iPhone. Swipe right, swipe
left, touch right, touch left. Swipe from the upper corner, tap on the bottom,
touch here, touch there. Push partway up and to the right to see where you’ve
been on the internet. Swipe up to trash something, or click right, or left
depending what app you’re in. Yikes! Who can remember all that?
finger either doesn’t work or I don’t even touch something and stuff flies off
or onto the screen. Once, while merely holding the phone, a box popped up with
the message, “To reverse this action, tap
the screen with three fingers.” What action? What had I done? What had I
erased? Fortunately, the screen told me which fingers to tap with, so I tapped.
And tapped. And tapped. The screen didn’t move. It didn’t tell me the unknown
action was reversed. I couldn’t even see a back button.
“Honey,” I yelled.
“Think I did something wrong!” By the time Hubby came to the rescue I’d punched
enough things that the screen was back to what I recognized. Only heaven knows
what I might have screwed up!
For every action I
did on the Blackberry with one touch, it takes two, or maybe three or more on
the iPhone. I’ve read some of the instructions, and tried to search things out
on the iPhone book, but apparently I don’t know the new lingo well enough to
find things. And I’m usually pretty good with searching. However, nothing seems
to have the same names as the Blackberry did.
My texts to my
daughter are filled with strange words that I didn’t type, courtesy of
predictive typing. I tried to type PTL
(Praise the Lord) and it came over on the text as “Pyle.” The words But I came across as “Bilirubin.” And
the text screen, filled with facial icons, bubbles holding your text message,
and sometimes giant emojis, takes up so much screen space that I can’t easily
see the text thread. When my daughter retyped “Bilirubin” I thought SHE had
typed the word, not me. I had no idea she was rolling on the floor laughing
until the next day when I scrolled up the text stream and saw what I’d done.
And if you think
that’s wild, wait until you hear these next items.
The other day, using
my iPhone, I tried to call my hubby, who was driving my car. I knew he wouldn’t
try to answer his new iPhone, so I called my car phone. At the same time the car phone was ringing, I
heard another call beep in. I ignored it, thinking it was a phishing call. Hubby
never answered, so I hung up and called him again. The same thing happened. So,
I hung up again. As I pulled the phone away from my ear, the second time, my
daughter’s name scrolled across the banner on the top of the phone, indicating
she was calling.
When I answered,
she said in a concerned voice, “Mom, is everything okay. Why are you calling me
so much?” (I never call her during work hours.)
“I wasn’t calling
you. I was trying to call your dad in my car,” I said.
As she hung up I
heard her say to someone, whom I later learned was her boss, “It’s okay.
There’s nothing wrong. My mom has a new phone.”
When my hubby got
to his destination, he called on his cell to see what I needed. He couldn’t
remember how to answer my car phone. It doesn’t have Bluetooth pairing like his
car. He received my cell phone call on the car phone and, at the same time, my
daughter also received a call from my cell phone.
The stupid iPhone
called my car phone, while husband was driving it, and called my daughter at
the same time.
Here’s the kicker—I
did NOT call my daughter’s cell. No way. No how. Not even possible. I swear I
never touched her number. I clearly, and positively, know I called my car
phone. Yet the iPhone showed it made both calls.
The phone somehow
dialed both numbers at the same time! How is that even possible?
Later in the day I
was having a conversation on our home land line when my cell rang. It was my
daughter. I knew it was her because I’d
attached an ‘Oogah Oogah’ old car horn sound to her calls. An unmistakable and
very loud sound. I answered and quickly said, “I can’t talk now. I’ll call back
in a few minutes.” Then I hung up. A few minutes later I got another call from
her on my cell—the same “Oogha-Oogah ring, but it was my son-in-law on the
other end. “Can I call back?” I asked. “I’m in the middle of another call.”
Son-in-law said, “She
can’t talk. She’s on the house phone with her mother-in-law.”
“Then why did she call me just a minute ago?”
out to my daughter, “Why are we calling your mother?”
In the background I
hear her say, “I didn’t call her. She called me! Twice!”
I know I didn’t
call her. The iPhone log shows she called. She still swears she didn’t call me,
but that I called her.
Earlier that same morning
I was trying to comment on a blog I’ve always had access to on the Blackberry. I’d
reached the site via clicking on the title of the blog I’d received in my
Catherine Castle mail inbox. The site kept kicking me off. I couldn’t like,
share, or comment. So, I went back to the original email, which was still open
on my email inbox, and scrolled down to the like button. Click—and I was over
to the page instantly, all nicely opened. While complaining to my husband about
the wretched phone’s behavior, I slid my finger down the screen to check for my
author icon. I wasn’t there, but our joint author icon was.
“Did you just
comment on her page?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I
was just headed over there right now.”
I rotated my phone
screen so he could see it. “You’ve already commented.”
He squinted at me.
“Did you open our author email and like the post? Because I did not like that
“I didn’t!” I
protested. Although, in all honesty, I sometimes have a problem and click the
wrong email box on my phone. I did it with the Blackberry quite often by
mistake. So much so that hubby threatened to take our joint author email off my
phone. He leveled a glary squint at me,
not at all convinced I knew what I was talking about.
I switched back to
my Catherine Castle email box. The email in question was on the top. I scanned
it again. In the To: line it didn’t say Catherine Castle. Instead it had my
husband’s name. Somehow the email addressed to his personal email box (which is
another glitch I’ll not go into), got scrambled and put in my author email box
and linked our joint author photo to it.
I could go on with
my misadventures with the stupid iPhone, which I’m sure will continue until my
weary blonde brain figures it all out or I end up in the funny farm. However,
I’ve already exceeded a thousand words on this rant.
On the bright side, there are a couple of things I do like on the iPhone. I
did discover one useful tool. I accidently deleted an email one evening and
moaned in distress over my actions.
"Shake it!" Hubby said.
"What?" I replied.
"Shake it! Shake the phone!" he yelled urgently.
Bemused and befuddled, I did as he commanded, although I hadn't the foggest
idea why. An icon popped up on the screen.
"Now, tell it to untrash," he said. "Hurry before the icon
I did, and, Lo and Behold, my trashed email reappeared like magic.
Pretty cool for such a. . . Stupid iPhone!
I can draw pictures
in my emails. A feature that I’m sure will be a giant time suck. I’ve already
drawn and sent pictures to my daughter, and I’m considering how I can use this
tool for Christmas email cards.
Twitter works again
and so does Pinterest. So I can waste endless hours surfing instead writing,
cleaning and practicing the piano. Although piano is never a waste of time.
It’s more of a joy.
Hopefully, as time
passes, I’ll find more to like and less to complain about. One thing is for
sure—as I learn this new device I’m giving my family and friends lots to laugh
Do you have an
iPhone? Have you any tips for me?
Catherine loves to laugh at herself and loves to write comedy. Check out her award-winning romantic comedy, with a touch of drama, A Groom for Mama.
Beverly Walters is dying, and before she goes she has one wish—to find a groom for her daughter. To get the deed done, Mama enlists the dating service of Jack Somerset, Allison’s former boyfriend.
The last thing corporate-climbing Allison wants is a husband. Furious with Mama’s meddling, and a bit more interested in Jack than she wants to admit, Allison agrees to the scheme as long as Mama promises to search for a cure for her terminal illness.
A cross-country trip from Nevada to Ohio ensues, with a string of disastrous dates along the way, as the trio hunts for treatment and A Groom For Mama
Multi-award-winning author Catherine Castle
has been writing all her life. A former freelance writer, she has over 600 articles and photographs to her credit (under her real name) in the Christian and secular market. Now she writes sweet and inspirational romance. Her debut inspirational romantic suspense, The Nun and the Narc, from Soul Mate Publishing, has garnered multiple contests finals and wins.
Catherine loves writing, reading, traveling, singing, watching movies, and the theatre. In the winter she loves to quilt and has a lot of UFOs (unfinished objects) in her sewing case. In the summer her favorite place to be is in her garden. She’s passionate about gardening and even won a “Best Hillside Garden” award from the local gardening club.
Learn more about Catherine Castle
on her website
. Stay connected on Facebook
. Be sure to check out Catherine’s Amazon author page
and her Goodreads page
. You can also find Catherine on Stitches Thru Time
and the SMP authors blog site