GUILT - WHAT IS IT?

From Linda Lee Greene Author/Artist 

I have an enormous problem with feelings of guilt. I’m convinced it’s the bane of my existence—my chief obstacle in life. I rationalize away too many good hours of my days in service to this insidious structure of my ego. I want to break its hold on me. But how? I can’t afford a psychotherapist. Maybe the Catholics have it right—maybe confession is good for the soul! I think I’ll try it. So here goes: 

I suck at the art of relaxation and when I try to relax, I feel guilty about it even though in an out-of-reach region of my consciousness, I know it’s a beneficial thing. But tell that to my ego! Tell that slavedriver that not every moment must have a purpose, some useful something attached to it. 

Sometimes I just feel lazy. Ahhh, laziness—not the same as constructive relaxation at all, but a SIN! If you don’t believe me on this point, ask M. Scott Peck, M. D., who wrote the definitive exposé on laziness in his groundbreaking book, People of the Lie. He theorized that laziness is mankind’s greatest evil…that it IS the very DNA of evil. My poor mother, God Bless Her Departed Soul, could only justify her need for this evil by feigning illness and going to her bed for a few hours in a week, or so. My God, I’ve become my mother and one of Peck’s reprobates! 

I’ve made mistakes with my kids—little mistakes and big mistakes. I still do. Those are the guilts that bore treacherous, black holes in my mind and heart into which I most often plummet…and yes, I lose myself there. My ego loves those plunges most of all because there’s no end to the ego’s guilt-affirming, mind-chatter there. 

Sometimes I gossip! Shame! Shame! Shame! There really is no excuse for it, but still I do it on occasion even while one part of my brain is berating me for my indulgence while the other is joyfully partaking of it. The gossiper-me is like a food addict licking a huge dome of vanilla ice cream, my taste buds blindly welcoming as an honored guest the fat cells accumulating on my behind. And thereafter for days, I feel dreadful about the gossiping and the ice cream orgy. 

Sometimes, and sometimes for very long stretches of time, I just don’t want to write, and especially to market my writing. There’s no limit to my guilt related to that one because it’s directly centered on God, no less! Why, you ask? Well, because God sent me here to be a writer; it’s my purpose in this life, my ticket into this particular incarnation—and I have the unmitigated gall to ignore that agenda, to squander my gift, to thumb my nose at God!!! 

There just is no hope for me. Guilt has me in a firm grip and it won’t let go. But wait a minute! I think I do feel a slight easing of my conscience. Wow! This coming clean really works. 

Maybe you’d like to try it. Oh come on. You can do it. There’s a blank space just below with your name on it. Only you and I will ever know—I promise!

International best-selling author Paulette Mahurin had the following to say to me on the subject at hand:

 Comment:

 Paulette Mahurin

Good one. We all struggle with this thing called, being human. No escaping it. No switch to turn it on or off and make it do what we want. It's a new age thing to label it "ego" and put it out there, aside from "the real me" but I've learned that it's all me, simple ole uneasy/easy imperfect me. No escaping the conditioning, programming, learning, and yeah, DNA. So what's the point? Does it even matter if there is one, it'll all change anyway. I'm so glad to see you back out among the cyber drifters. I love you and your incredible writing. Couldn't resist stopping by to let you know.

Reply

Linda Lee Greene

Hello again Paulette. Thanks so much for keeping an eye out for me. I love connecting with you. I love you too. Best of luck with HIS NAME WAS BEN. I meant to tell you that your ending of that book was one of the best I've ever read. 

In multi-award-winning author, Linda Lee Greene’s A CHANCE AT THE MOON, Olivia’s guilt over her involvement with her mother’s murder drives her to desperate measures that turn deadly dangerous to herself and to the only man who has truly loved her. 

A reader says: “A gripping tale of romance, vices, glamour, insecurities, betrayal, and murder written in a very descriptive and artistic manner which paints a picture of the environment and characters. This was clearly well-researched…”

Rich and spoiled-rotten Olivia Montoyo Simms wouldn't know how to cook up a meal even if she was so hungry that "her belly was gnawing at her backbone," to borrow an old-timey expression. But Olivia has no match in the ways of wooing a man to her risky schemes. A gorgeous stranger at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas has all the goods to satisfy and girl's appetite, but unknown to Olivia, he just might be the one guy who also has what it takes to wrangle her comeuppance. 

Was it chance or destiny’s hand behind the movie-star and gambler’s curious encounter at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas? The cards fold, their hearts open, and a match strikes, flames that sizzle their hearts and souls. Can they have the moon and the stars, too? Or is she too dangerous? Is he? Can their love withstand betrayal? Can it endure murder?

While the cards at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas fail to distract them from their troubled pasts, on the side, the actress and the gambler play a game of ‘will they won’t they’ romance. Meanwhile, an otherworldly hand also has a big stake in the game. Unexpected secrets unfold brimming with dangerous consequences, and finally, a strange brand of salvation.

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Multi-award-winning author and artist Linda Lee Greene describes her life as a telescope that when trained on her past reveals how each piece of it, whether good or bad or in-between, was necessary in the unfoldment of her fine art and literary paths.

Greene moved from farm-girl to city-girl; dance instructor to wife, mother, and homemaker; divorcee to single-working-mom and adult-college-student; and interior designer to multi-award-winning artist and author, essayist, and blogger. It was decades of challenging life experiences and debilitating, chronic illness that gave birth to her dormant flair for art and writing. Greene was three days shy of her fifty-seventh birthday when her creative spirit took a hold of her.

She found her way to her lonely easel soon thereafter. Since then Greene has accepted commissions and displayed her artwork in shows and galleries in and around the USA. She is also a member of artist and writer associations.

Visit Linda at her online art gallery and join her on Facebook. Linda loves to hear from readers so feel free to email her.